Something interesting we discussed in class deals with marriage covenants. When you make a marriage a "covenant," it means that you bring a superior power into the marriage; the husband and wife are now individually accountable to that new superior power.
This legal covenant marriage is uniquely available in the law in 3 different states: Arizona, Arkansas, and Louisiana. It's an option- when you get married- to bind you and your new groom/bride into this covenant marriage with you and the law. With that covenant marriage, it states that there are 3 "A's" that are acceptable to file for divorce- anything different than these 3 must be worked out and is not an adequate argument to file for divorce. Those 3 include that of adultery, abuse, and alcoholism.
Today, marriage has become the ONLY contract (legally speaking- besides these optional covenant contracts) that is not binding.
Does anything disturb you about that?
Marriage is seen now a days as something that is not a shock to end- I've heard many men and women even refer to their first marriage as their "starter marriage." How startling is that? It's seen as a commitment to lead to another later commitment. One that they're not expecting to last for their entire lives.
This raises the question that, with this mindset, why are we so shocked when we realize divorce rates are increasing every year?
There are 4 stages to divorce:
1. emotional 2. legal 3. economic 4. co-parental
Divorce, as we know, leads to many broken families. In some cases, divorce is a legitimate last-resort, or is acceptable. However, going into your marriage with the mindset that it probably won't be your only- is troubling. How can you expect to have these deep, emotional bonds with someone and then be expecting and hoping for a better, easier, later marriage? No, marriage has to be worked for- and it's hard work. It's not supposed to be an easy fix to your problems, because God didn't want us to spend our lives comfortably, easily, slowly moving along. God's plan is to make us better people in this life so we can grow to become like him. Thus, the person we marry is supposed to push us to become that better person- and we them.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Monday, December 7, 2015
Parenting
"Good parenting, while very challenging at times, offers great potential for happiness."
-Parenting | Responsibilities of Parents to Their Children, lds.org
When we hear the word "Parents," what comes to your mind?
You probably thought of that time as a kid, whether by yourself or with your siblings, hearing your mom's voice yelling at you as you throw the oranges you just knocked off of the orange tree at the side of your house.
Or maybe you thought of the shopping and ice-cream runs your mommy and/or daddy took you on after school.
Or possibly the time your parent(s) pulled up to the curb on your first day of high school, asking if you remembered your lunch bag and reminding you how much they love you.
Or, was it the time you broke up with that girlfriend or boyfriend, coming home in tears, only to find your parents sitting there, waiting to embrace you and remind you of your love and worth?
Whatever it may be- I have found that the older you get, the more and more you value your experiences you've had with your parents. Whether it was a hard time I had to go through next to them, or by myself, I realized that they'd always be there for me.
The reason we have so much respect and love for our parents, is because of the many hard times and obstacles we've had to overcome. It is through these hard times that we truly realized their love for us- and also realized that this love was infinite and unconditional. It's the type of love and comfort that I can only explain, by saying it never goes to sleep, is never based on conditions, and is never, ever failing. I have felt my parents' love for me for almost 20 years now.
It's the type of love that I can count on, when I call my mom at midnight, 900 miles away, even though I know she wants to be asleep. I can call her when I get home from my date and tell her how fun and exciting it was- and she is excited with me, even though her voice is groggy and tired. Even more, it's the type of love that I feel when I can call her or my dad late at night, after a bad date, or when I'm in tears for just having my heart broken. Their unfailing, unconditional love and care for me is felt over the phone. The personal experiences I have had with my mom and dad make them so respectable and loved deeply by me, because they teach me what life truly is about. The lessons they have taught me- about how to work hard, love and enjoy life, and be a better person for myself and everyone around me- are the reason that my life is the way it is. They are the ones who have guided me through the good and bad, teaching me how to make the best out of life.
So, parents... even if we may think they are "unfair" and "mean" for not letting us drive their car to our friends house, or having a sleep over... the older you get, I think the more you value their relationship. It truly is a friendship that never ceases or fails you- it is one that is there during the rain, sunshine, or wind. One that is unconditional, unfailing, and ever lasting. One, that is simply priceless, and one that I will cherish forever.
-Parenting | Responsibilities of Parents to Their Children, lds.org
When we hear the word "Parents," what comes to your mind?
You probably thought of that time as a kid, whether by yourself or with your siblings, hearing your mom's voice yelling at you as you throw the oranges you just knocked off of the orange tree at the side of your house.
Or maybe you thought of the shopping and ice-cream runs your mommy and/or daddy took you on after school.
Or possibly the time your parent(s) pulled up to the curb on your first day of high school, asking if you remembered your lunch bag and reminding you how much they love you.
Or, was it the time you broke up with that girlfriend or boyfriend, coming home in tears, only to find your parents sitting there, waiting to embrace you and remind you of your love and worth?
Whatever it may be- I have found that the older you get, the more and more you value your experiences you've had with your parents. Whether it was a hard time I had to go through next to them, or by myself, I realized that they'd always be there for me.
The reason we have so much respect and love for our parents, is because of the many hard times and obstacles we've had to overcome. It is through these hard times that we truly realized their love for us- and also realized that this love was infinite and unconditional. It's the type of love and comfort that I can only explain, by saying it never goes to sleep, is never based on conditions, and is never, ever failing. I have felt my parents' love for me for almost 20 years now.
It's the type of love that I can count on, when I call my mom at midnight, 900 miles away, even though I know she wants to be asleep. I can call her when I get home from my date and tell her how fun and exciting it was- and she is excited with me, even though her voice is groggy and tired. Even more, it's the type of love that I feel when I can call her or my dad late at night, after a bad date, or when I'm in tears for just having my heart broken. Their unfailing, unconditional love and care for me is felt over the phone. The personal experiences I have had with my mom and dad make them so respectable and loved deeply by me, because they teach me what life truly is about. The lessons they have taught me- about how to work hard, love and enjoy life, and be a better person for myself and everyone around me- are the reason that my life is the way it is. They are the ones who have guided me through the good and bad, teaching me how to make the best out of life.
So, parents... even if we may think they are "unfair" and "mean" for not letting us drive their car to our friends house, or having a sleep over... the older you get, I think the more you value their relationship. It truly is a friendship that never ceases or fails you- it is one that is there during the rain, sunshine, or wind. One that is unconditional, unfailing, and ever lasting. One, that is simply priceless, and one that I will cherish forever.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Father Involvement
SO... this week (due to Thanksgiving) I actually am not able to make it to the class discussion we do have on Tuesday. Because of that, I did my own research on the class topic, and the main topic- out of all of the points we were to study- that I found most interesting and intriguing was the one on Father Involvement in the family.
Often times, I personally think that we take advantage of our fathers and the benefits that come with having a dad present in the home. If this is not your personal case, and you have either never met your father before, or maybe he's just not an actively involved participant in your home, then I know you have different experiences and a relationship with your father than I have with mine.
Now, I am definitely a daddy's girl. Growing up, my mom actually got really frustrated with me probably, because I never wanted to do "girly" things with her like get our nails done all the time, or go shopping. Instead, I much rather preferred to go to work with my dad and hang out with him. Looking back, I regret not showing my love and appreciation to her by not allowing her to take me on fun activities or shopping trips. But, I also realize how important a father's influence is on his family and entire home.
First off, when we think of the job of "dad", what do we usually think of first? Most of you probably said that his "job" is to do just that... work a job that can support his family. Father's do benefit the family in many ways- one familiar one is to work and be the main source of income for the family's finances. He is to provide a home for the family to grow up securely in, as well as the food to place on the table at the end of the day. Financial situations are very trick, and often bad financial situations they are the source for many divorces and falling apart of family, because it is expected- generally speaking- that the dad fulfills his job and responsibility of being the one to provide his family with the necessities that they need to sustain a life.
However, besides the obvious benefit that a father brings into a home for financial reasons, there are many other benefits that I found while researching for a "Father Involvement" paper we had to write for class. While researching, I came across a very well-written scholarly article from the University of Florida.( It can be found on cfuf.org/Filestream.aspx?FilelD=14 if you'd like to take a look for yourself :) )
There were many points given in the article that have been found through extensive research done on the family, but there were a few that particularly stood out to me that I want to share:
1. A father's interaction with their baby led to a reduced risk for that infant's cognitive delay later on in life
2.When a father is positively involved in their child's life, it led to less behavioral problems in boys & better emotional health for girls
3. Both men and women who remember having involved dad's grew up with better self-esteem and confidence
4. Children who grew up with actively involved fathers wanted to implement those actively-involved qualities into their own future families
5. Active father involvement actually directly benefited the father as well-- they were found to be better able to cope with stressful times and decisions than were non-involved fathers.
The research is clear: There are many benefits that come with having an actively-involved father in the home. There is not only benefits for the children and mothers around that actively- involved father/husband; yet, there are many ways in which the father is directly benefited as well by his actions of being actively involved in his child's and wife's lives.
Often times, I personally think that we take advantage of our fathers and the benefits that come with having a dad present in the home. If this is not your personal case, and you have either never met your father before, or maybe he's just not an actively involved participant in your home, then I know you have different experiences and a relationship with your father than I have with mine.
Now, I am definitely a daddy's girl. Growing up, my mom actually got really frustrated with me probably, because I never wanted to do "girly" things with her like get our nails done all the time, or go shopping. Instead, I much rather preferred to go to work with my dad and hang out with him. Looking back, I regret not showing my love and appreciation to her by not allowing her to take me on fun activities or shopping trips. But, I also realize how important a father's influence is on his family and entire home.
First off, when we think of the job of "dad", what do we usually think of first? Most of you probably said that his "job" is to do just that... work a job that can support his family. Father's do benefit the family in many ways- one familiar one is to work and be the main source of income for the family's finances. He is to provide a home for the family to grow up securely in, as well as the food to place on the table at the end of the day. Financial situations are very trick, and often bad financial situations they are the source for many divorces and falling apart of family, because it is expected- generally speaking- that the dad fulfills his job and responsibility of being the one to provide his family with the necessities that they need to sustain a life.
However, besides the obvious benefit that a father brings into a home for financial reasons, there are many other benefits that I found while researching for a "Father Involvement" paper we had to write for class. While researching, I came across a very well-written scholarly article from the University of Florida.( It can be found on cfuf.org/Filestream.aspx?FilelD=14 if you'd like to take a look for yourself :) )
There were many points given in the article that have been found through extensive research done on the family, but there were a few that particularly stood out to me that I want to share:
1. A father's interaction with their baby led to a reduced risk for that infant's cognitive delay later on in life
2.When a father is positively involved in their child's life, it led to less behavioral problems in boys & better emotional health for girls
3. Both men and women who remember having involved dad's grew up with better self-esteem and confidence
4. Children who grew up with actively involved fathers wanted to implement those actively-involved qualities into their own future families
5. Active father involvement actually directly benefited the father as well-- they were found to be better able to cope with stressful times and decisions than were non-involved fathers.
The research is clear: There are many benefits that come with having an actively-involved father in the home. There is not only benefits for the children and mothers around that actively- involved father/husband; yet, there are many ways in which the father is directly benefited as well by his actions of being actively involved in his child's and wife's lives.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Communication & Problem Solving
This week, we talked about a very important aspect in any relationship: communication. As we all know, without communication, a relationship simply cannot function in a healthy way. And no, I don't mean that carrying on texting convos throughout the entire day or week is a healthy way to communicate. We're talking about that real FaceTime communication-- face to face. Real life. Yep, that good stuff.
In preparation for class on Tuesday, we were to watch a presentation given by John Gottman called "The Love Lab." In this video, Gottman interviews the O'Kelley family, a newlywed couple who have encountered difficulties in their finances. The husband had said that he did believe these arguments could've possibly led to divorce, and thus Dr. Gottman put their marriage under a "microscope," in an attempt to look for the secret for marital success.
Long story short, the video brought something to my attention that was very interesting and easily identifiable. Towards the end of the video, the husband and wife are arguing (with more rage built up being shown on the inside versus the outside with an increased heart rate and holding-back looks). They are arguing about the inability for the other person to be able to recognize and hep fulfill their life-long dreams and ambitions. For the wife, this dream was to keep and raise her horse that she has grown to become deeply attached to. For the husband, his dream was to own a cabin and a boat and enjoy the luxuries that come with that. However, the problem arises in that they cannot seem to afford the other person's "dream" because of their own; However, their own dream is one that they simply don't want to abandon.
Digging deeper into the situation, the couple eventually realized that it was much more than just a dream: it's the emotions and feelings and history that person has with that dream/situation.
When looking into problem-solving, it's important to realize this. It's important to remember to take a step back when conflicts arise (and believe me- they SO will), and to take time to listen to the other person & hear why they think or act the way they do. Unless we do that, we're just going to fight fire with fire. It won't get us anywhere and quite frankly won't allow a stronger relationship to be built.
Conflict and hard times come into our marriages and relationships, for the same reason they arise in our lives. To build us up, make us stronger and closer... if we allow them to! And the way in which we allow them to, is through healthy communication with this other person. Communication fosters growth & bonding within any time of relationship.
Try it out.
I triple-dog dare you :-)
Monday, November 16, 2015
Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People?
No matter how hard we may try to avoid it... the fact is that life is life. Oftentimes, we are faced with difficulties in life: deaths, hardships within families or friends, feelings of inadequacy overcome us, and the loss of a job... to name just a few. So, when I've been doing all the good I know to do- and am working hard to stay happy and be a good person- why, then, do bad things still happen in my life?
To put a spin on this of the way we believe to be true in the LDS church, I have a firm testimony of the refining opportunities the Lord gives each of us during these hard times. It is in the breaking down, and bringing us out of our comfort zone that we find we draw closer to him. When he makes us be humble, we meekly draw to him for help and guidance, because it's in these moments when we know we can't go through this life on our own.
In the concept of families, it almost works in the same manner. Families, believe it or not, actually grow stronger when they are faced with difficulties- IF they choose to do this. When faced with trials and very difficult things in life, it's easiest to blame and to get angry. Whether that anger and hatred be directed at someone close to you, God, or at your "life" in general, it's not the path we should take.
In Chinese, the symbol for "CRISES" actually means two things: "Danger" and "Opportunity".
These different meanings sum up exactly what I believe a family crises, or life crises in general, are meant to be. They are meant to scare us and to break us down, so that we do become more humble and submissive to those around us. When we let this take place, we're opening the doors of opportunity for grown and bonding within not only ourselves, but those people closest to us.
Whenever you stay by a friend's side through a hard time, that tie and bond grows stronger, right?
That's the same way that it is with families and with God- they are ALWAYS there for you, and thus it's important to use the opportunities given through hard times and trials to grow stronger and closer.
Sometimes, when we take a step back and humbly look at the trial, we realize that they really aren't such bad things happening to us. Rather, look at them as the marvelous opportunity to grow and become stronger. Fight to get through it, and fight together to stay together- because that is where the most unity and bonding can take place: together.
To put a spin on this of the way we believe to be true in the LDS church, I have a firm testimony of the refining opportunities the Lord gives each of us during these hard times. It is in the breaking down, and bringing us out of our comfort zone that we find we draw closer to him. When he makes us be humble, we meekly draw to him for help and guidance, because it's in these moments when we know we can't go through this life on our own.
In the concept of families, it almost works in the same manner. Families, believe it or not, actually grow stronger when they are faced with difficulties- IF they choose to do this. When faced with trials and very difficult things in life, it's easiest to blame and to get angry. Whether that anger and hatred be directed at someone close to you, God, or at your "life" in general, it's not the path we should take.
In Chinese, the symbol for "CRISES" actually means two things: "Danger" and "Opportunity".
These different meanings sum up exactly what I believe a family crises, or life crises in general, are meant to be. They are meant to scare us and to break us down, so that we do become more humble and submissive to those around us. When we let this take place, we're opening the doors of opportunity for grown and bonding within not only ourselves, but those people closest to us.
Whenever you stay by a friend's side through a hard time, that tie and bond grows stronger, right?
That's the same way that it is with families and with God- they are ALWAYS there for you, and thus it's important to use the opportunities given through hard times and trials to grow stronger and closer.
Sometimes, when we take a step back and humbly look at the trial, we realize that they really aren't such bad things happening to us. Rather, look at them as the marvelous opportunity to grow and become stronger. Fight to get through it, and fight together to stay together- because that is where the most unity and bonding can take place: together.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
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